I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
