I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
