I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drunk is not a location!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
