my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
