Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
