I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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