I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
