Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
