Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
me + whiskey = a bad person
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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