I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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