Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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