She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I believe in your delicious
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
