no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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