Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
