a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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