So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You pole danced in your parka.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
