it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
