hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
