I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
