I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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