I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
