just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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