There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
