you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
