i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
