drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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