What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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