I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm always down for nudity.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
