woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
