but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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