Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
