Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
