Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my poor anus
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
