nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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