I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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