Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
