I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
