It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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