I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
