I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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