I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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