Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
two words...techno handjob
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
