update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
