So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
