We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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