The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
