so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
