Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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