if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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