And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
try to milk me bitch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
