I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
