Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
