I think I won the penis lottery.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
