if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
