Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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