Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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