I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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