Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got inside last night via doggy door
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I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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