I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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