dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
