oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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