Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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