i jhust puked up my retainher.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My vagina just clenched in fear
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