When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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