Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Shame is for Republicans.
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