Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
