Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
