The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
